The Gospel and Marriage

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

– I Corinthians 7:1-16

          Remember last week’s sermon, “The Gospel and the Body.” Paul's focus was the sexual immorality being condoned by some in the Corinthian Church. How does he rebuke their sexual immorality? He does it in a profound way. He attacks the incorrect view of the human body asserted by some in Corinth: that the body means nothing, so we can use it however we like, even going to prostitutes for pleasure. However, the body is not ours but the Lord’s, “and the Lord for the body.” God raised up the Lord in his body, and by his power will also raise us up in our bodies. When we are united to Jesus Christ by faith through the power of the Spirit, we are united to him not just as souls. We are united to him as human beings, body and soul. “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?” he asks.

Thus, at the end of I Corinthians 6, we have this high view of the body that stands in direct opposition to the prevailing Greco-Roman notion at the time that only one’s soul matters. Bodies? We're just, you know, we're walking around in these bodies for a short period of time. We'll die. We'll be rid of them. And that's that. Against that attitude, Paul gives us this wonderfully high view of the body. It is for the Lord! He will raise it up, just as the Father raised up the human body of his Son. We are members of Christ, body and soul. Therefore, it is imperative that we do what Paul says: "Flee sexual immorality."

But you know about the pendulum effect. If you have one error, what do people often do? They reject that error and swing to its opposite, which often has the same roots as the first error. We see that pendulum effect in the church in Corinth. One group visits prostitutes and says that is okay. The other group says to reject even sexual relations between husband and wife. Both groups devalue the human body: one says the body doesn’t matter so you can do what you want with it; the other says the body doesn’t matter, so do nothing with it. Both agree that only the soul matters.

Now, read I Corinthians, chapter 7, and you may wonder half a dozen times, “What is Paul actually teaching about marriage and sex?” This is a difficult passage and it stays difficult all the way to verse 40. You can even find scholarly articles asserting things like this: “Paul is this dodgy old bachelor who just has a superior attitude, that his singleness is so much better than marriage, and boy, he wishes everyone wasn't so spiritually weak so they could be like him, since singleness is far better spiritually than marriage.” So let’s look at chapter 7 carefully.

Paul begins, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me." Leaving things that he had heard about the church in Corinth in chapters 1-6, Paul turns to questions that they had sent to him, beginning in chapter 7. What was their first question? It comes at the end of verse 1. It is about what some in Corinth were saying: "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." There were Christians in Corinth – we'll call them the “super-spirituals” – who said the body is not important. The body is lesser than the spirit. We are above all of this, so we will have nothing to do with sexual relations at all, ever, with anyone. Maybe they remember what Jesus said about marriage in glory, after the resurrection, when there will be no more marriage and we will be like the angels. So they were saying, “Let’s pursue that ideal now: no marriage. 'It is not good for a man to touch a woman.' Sex is not for Christians.” This hyper-pseudo-spirituality had infiltrated the Corinthian church and caused damage. It harms marriages, and it burdens consciences.

Both to refute the error and to reverse its harm, Paul addresses four separate groups in the church, beginning with married couples. What does this super-spiritual slogan, “it is good for a man not to touch a woman” mean for them? It means stop all sex. In the present day the Roman Catholic Church has a category called the “Josephite Marriage,” where they try to live that way. You can look it up.

What does the Spirit of God speaking through Paul actually say to married couples? It is the opposite of the super-spiritual slogan, “it is good for a man not to touch a woman.” The advice is that sexual intimacy should be a regular aspect of a Christian marriage. Abstinence from sexual relations, if it happens, must only be temporary, and for the specific purpose of fasting and prayer, for a limited period of time, with both husband and wife agreeing. In verse 6, Paul writes that such abstinence is only a concession, not a commandment. Married Christians never have to abstain at all, and neither husband nor wife should impose abstinence on the other, lest Satan find an opening to tempt one or both of them.

What about a second group, formerly married people, widowers and widows? The “super-spirituals” were telling them never to marry again! What does Paul write? Of course you can remarry.

I have to stop here and deal with a translation issue. Literally, Paul wrote “unmarried” rather than “widower,” and that is how our translation leaves it. In ancient Greek, there's a specific word for widows, so if you wanted to refer to widowers you said “unmarried” because all respectable free men married. So Paul writes to widowers – “unmarried” in the Greek, remember – and widows, and he writes, “Of course you can remarry.” Of course they can also remain single, but if they are not exercising self-control, they should remarry. “Remarry if you are not exercising self-control in that state; better to marry than for sin to abound.”

What about separated couples, our third group? The “super-spirituals” were saying, “If you can’t refrain from sex while you live together, then separate.” What does the Spirit say through Paul about that advice? Don't even think about it! “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”

If a wife disobeys and leaves her man, let her remain unmarried lest she commit adultery, or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. How to abstain from sexual relations is a made-up problem by the terrible theology of the “super-spirituals,” which Paul remedies here by the command of the Lord: a husband and a wife are not to divorce, except in the case of adultery.

There's a fourth group that Paul addresses in verses 12 through 16. What happens if someone comes to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and the spouse does not? Should they divorce? Is the relationship rendered illegitimate because one is now a believer and the other isn't? The “super-spirituals” said, “Divorce.” Paul speaking from his apostolic authority says that should never be. If any brother has a wife who does not believe and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her let her not divorce him. The marriage is not illegitimate because one person comes to the Lord and the other does not.

Of course, Paul is not giving a justification for a believer to marry an unbeliever. Later on, in this same chapter, Paul commands that if a widow wishes to remarry it must be “in the Lord,” that is, to a fellow believer. But if a believer is already married to an unbeliever, he should not divorce the unbeliever.

The “super-spiritual” thought that an unbelieving spouse would defile a believer. No, Paul writes, it is the opposite. The believing spouse sanctifies the unbelieving one. Listen to verse 14. "The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband." That does not mean that there is guaranteed salvation for one spouse in a marriage if the other is a believer, but it means that things are different when one person believes. So, believer, do not initiate a divorce. “Who knows, maybe you will see your unbelieving spouse saved.”

We have looked at the four groups in Corinth that were hearing the “super-spirituals” say, “No sex, ever, with anyone. Be like the angels now.” The groups were married people, widowers and widows, separated marriages, and Christians married to unbelievers. Now I want to look more at two questions raised in what Paul writes here in chapter 7:1-16. The first one is, “What does Christian chastity look like in the context of marriage? What is healthy sexual intimacy in marriage?” The chaste Christian marriage looks like a husband and a wife mutually giving one to the other, with joy in that sexual intimacy known as a gift from the Creator. The “super-spirituals” could not be more wrong about sex in marriage.

What makes for healthy sexual relations within marriage? Paul’s overwhelming emphasis, not just in verses one through seven, but in this entire passage, is a radical mutuality of husband and wife. There has often been the idea that sex is mainly for the man. Not so. It is for both man and woman. Each is to delight in the other. What Paul wrote in verses 3-4 would have been unheard of in the ancient world. The Greeks and Romans saw the man as having ownership over his wife’s body, but not the other way round. But what does Paul say? "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her." His language is that of indebtedness. "And likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does and the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." That is the Word of God given through the Apostle Paul.

Today, right, it's all selfishness. People approach human sexuality according to what they want out of it. But for Paul it's not what I get but what I can give. It’s a command given to both parties. Both give. Both get. We give up our bodies when we marry. Therefore, sex in marriage should never be a tool, to give or withhold for shame or manipulation or punishment or coercion. There's an ancient Greek comedy titled Lysistrata, about women withholding sex from their husbands in order to force them to do what the women want and end the Peloponnesian War between Athens and Sparta. Paul is saying to these new Christian Greeks and Romans, "None of that! None of that in Christian marriage. There has to be full, open, mutual self-giving."

Now, the second issue in this passage that we still have to talk about is Christians who are married to unbelievers. Of course, Paul does not ever justify entering into a marriage with an unbeliever, with the idea that, well, maybe they'll be saved after we get married. He gives the stringent command later in the chapter: a widow can marry but only in the Lord. Instead, it is an encouragement of heart for the believer who finds himself or herself married to an unbeliever. They are not defiled by that marriage with an unbeliever! Instead, their spouse is sanctified and set apart because this household now has someone united to the Lord Jesus. That is why we joyfully baptize infants of believers where only one of the two parents is a believer.

What should the unbelieving spouse think about his, or her, salvation? None should ever think, “Well, I have a Christian wife or I have a Christian husband, so I don't have to believe. I’m safe.” No, there's an implicit call in these verses that if you are yet an unbeliever, but you have a Christian wife or a Christian husband, hasten to the throne of grace to repent and to believe.

Likewise for the believing spouse! When Paul writes that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified, it is not an encouragement to laziness but to action. Pray. Be a good husband or wife. Here, again, Paul is totally opposed to the super-spirituals, who would say, “Well, if you're married to an unbeliever, you need to pull away lest you be defiled,” just as they were saying to married people, “No more sex,” and to widows and widowers, “Don’t marry again.” Instead Paul says here, lean in to your marriages. Don't love your unbelieving spouse less because of his, or her, unbelief; if anything, press in all the more to love and to respect that unbelieving spouse. As Paul writes, “For how do you know, oh wife, whether you will save your husband or how do you know, oh husband whether you will save your wife?”

Finally, I do want to note those in our midst who are single because Paul will come round in due time to you, here in I Corinthians 7, and directly address your situation. The Gospel speaks both to married people and to unmarried people. But we will get to what the Word says to unmarried people in the coming weeks. For now, remember this: marriage is God’s gift to us. Let's pray.

– Alex Tabaka